What if food was just food? What if it was neutral; neither good nor bad, fatting or not, healthy or unhealthy? What if food was fuel for my body and not something that has this power over me to make me feel great or feel fearful?
Almost instantly, I feel lonely and alone. Should I take my things to the car, come back and walk around? I’m sure to run into friends and acquaintances.
“I can’t stop at one of anything.” I hear this all of the time from people in programs of recovery. It sort of makes me cringe. I want to ask them, is that really true? Anything?
Dating, sober dating is hard. For me, it’s fraught with uncertainty and anxiety. Alcohol made all that shit easy in comparison. Drink, be cute, meet someone totally inappropriate for me, drink more, have sex, drink more to forget that it was a one night stand or now I have an instant relationship with someone I probably don’t even like.
Early sobriety was not fun for me. I felt lost and alone most of the time. The man that I felt was the love of my life, really wanted nothing to do with me, I was broke and selling my chiropractic equipment just to pay the rent in the house that my parents owned. If it wasn’t for them, I don’t know where I would have been living.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl, who did not want to become a woman. She didn’t want to be a man either, not in the sex change type of way. Although, it seemed to her, that men had a lot more fun and got to do more things in life, without the repercussions of society’s thinking.