Progress, not perfection. The shift from what our culture values to what you value, is not easy. We are exposed to more advertising that tells us, you are “not good enough, so buy this product that will make you worthy,” than ever before. It’s a grinding machine, stealing our inner truth, and then selling it back to us, telling us it will solve the emptiness that comparison has created.
Just as the sun rises everyday with new determination, a life that was haunted, is now full of possibility. After the initial healing, it seems that for the majority of people, life begins to unfold with much promise.
Looking back, I believe that our friendship was a huge factor in the desire to change. I never had a friend like Karen. She runs a very successful business, is an author, runs upwards of 20 races per year, has a family, travels around the world speaking and inspiring women to participate in STEM careers. Even more important than these accomplishments are the facts that she is one of the kindest, generous and non-judgmental people I have ever met.
One of the first lessons in that “college of the body,” was that the first organ to form in the human fetus is the heart. Following the heart is the spinal cord, the foundation of the entire nervous system. The nerves tell the muscles what to do, and the muscles move the bones, enabling the most magical matrix of movement, thought and creation to operate.
Once you have constructed this solid, beautiful foundation, then you can begin to climb. You can implement prosperity thinking and things like affirmations of your great good. Why now? Because you have foundation and a reference point on which to stand; you have proof that the home you have built is safe.
We grow through what we go through. Each storm brings new surprises and damage. Yet, with deep roots, just like the trees we have planted on our hillside, we can flex and bend, lose a branch or two and still gratefully reach for the sunshine after the storm.
“My how you’ve changed since I’ve changed.”
There have been many times throughout my life that I noticed, laughed or redirected my attention to this simple statement. Those times are nothing like the steady current of truth flowing through this theme in my life in sobriety.
Humans. Why do we have so much trouble communicating our feelings and our truth? Especially to those we are closest to? It doesn’t make much sense.
My experience with disordered eating, alcohol and substance use was of the binge-purge, and then restrict kind. I rarely used any substance or behavior daily. I would overeat, over drink, overuse, then purge, and then in a frenzy of guilt and clean-up, I would restrict.
I forgot that depression (we are talking situational depression) is a stop sign after a person has been having all the emotions underneath the day to day activities, at war. That’s right, I was feeling guilt and shame and embarrassment and elation and anger and rage and world-fucking weary and sad and all these guys were fighting it out…